So this is the thing.

[x-skin.livejournal.com]

I don't remember ever feeling really safe, back in LA. I must have done, once, I guess, but not since I was too little to remember. Just the way things were, and I got into the gang stuff as a way to try and change that - to get myself what counted as respect, and some kind of security, back there.

Didn't work. Yeah, it made me tough, and safer in some ways, but it just made me "not safe" in a whole different way. And then it all went to hell when I manifested. For those who don't know, my best friends in the world damn near killed me for being a mutant before I got away, and then I hid out on the streets and discovered whole new and exciting areas of unsafeness.

And then Scott brought me here. And I found... what felt like the first really safe place of my life.

I don't feel like I have that anymore.

Maybe I'll get it back. I don't know. I hope so, but I don't know if, or when, I can do that. I just... I wish I'd been told what had happened, however small the chance of it happening again was, before I came here and got ties to this place.

When I offered to teach the kids to defend themselves any way I know how, I was mad as hell and I wanted to make the kids feel safer in some way, 'cause this is the one place where they should, and not all of them do. I never said guns, or weapons of any kind, had to be involved.

I'm not mad at you all anymore - or not as mad, anyway, and I'll get over the rest of it soon enough. I'm scared as all hell, and I still want to help the kids feel safer if I can, but I'm willing to talk it over. If you have reasons why I shouldn't that aren't "we're older than you, so we must know best", I'll listen and change the plans 'til they suit everybody - and if that means scrapping them, fine, as long as something's being done. And I think I can trust you that far - I know you care about this place a whole hell of a lot too.

I just want my safe place back, but I'll settle for "safer", if that's all there is.

Comments

[x-juggernaut.livejournal.com]

All right, let me try and be civil about this and see if I can get you to understand where I'm coming from - and that I don't speak for all (or any) of the staff. This is just me.

You're what, sixteen? Seventeen? From what I hear around, you've been around the block a time or two. But trust me when I tell you - it's been a small block. You talk about fighting for respect, and being tough because you were in a gang. In a small world, that's pretty big. And when you're sixteen or seventeen, your world's a lot smaller than you think it is.

The reason I have a problem with you teaching the kids to defend themselves is because, and I'll be blunt, you're not qualified. You may know how to hold your own, but that don't mean you're the one who should be teaching it around. And with people talking about bringing guns into this house - I told the staff and I'll tell the students: it's not happening, and I'll tell you why. You and some of the other kids mentioned that you weren't told about what happened last spring. If you want, I've pulled some videos from the library, they're out by the TV on the 2nd floor. This house was on the news, identified as a "mutant training facility" - which I suppose was the reason for that whole spin-control CNN thing back in December.

Regular people out there, they've got enough reasons to be scared of you kids here. True or not, they're gonna be suspicious of what they don't understand. And all that someone needs is to catch wind of children being taught to fight in some secret school out here - and legitimate government agencies like the ATF will be kicking in windows and taking names. Think it's far-fetched? Read about Waco, TX, back in the 90's.

I'm not going to support giving anyone out there more reasons to come barging into this house and violating it again. And if that means checking the backgrounds and qualifications of people working here, then that'll be done. If it means you guys pull extra hours learning how to get your powers under control - that needs to be done.

Anyone who promises you safety here is talking out their ass. Harsh, but that's how it is. But you of all people can tell them, where CAN you guarantee safety?

Doctor MacTaggart tells me there's a guy coming in tomorrow who specializes in helping folks get through stuff like you've all been through - here at the school or wherever you came from. I know a lot of you ain't much for confiding in the staff here unless you're bumming a cancer stick off of them - but this guy's legit. Talk to him, if you can't talk to one of the other folks who are here to make sure you kids get what you need.

If you're worried about people coming into this house again in the night - I'll give you my word that we're trying our damnedest to make sure that it's going to be a lot more difficult for them to do it, but I can't promise you it'll never happen. People are going to hate you for what you are, that's a fact of life. Nothing's going to change that. It ain't fair - but that's the way life is sometimes.

If you, or any of the students, want to know more, talk to one of the counselors or the Professor, or Doctor MacTaggart, or Miss Blaire. It's not only their job - they legitimately give a damn about you kids and want to help you.

Don't fault them for it, or criticize them for what's out of their control.

Re:

[x-skin.livejournal.com]

See, that's all I wanted to hear. You got good reasons why there shouldn't be regular gun lessons at the school, so there won't be. Simple as that. You wanna get through to me, you only have to be civil and talk to me like I'm not the same age as Miles.

Helps if you don't just dismiss me as a "bad apple", too, or compare me to Magneto. Yeah, I was angry, still am (though mostly not at the faculty anymore), but I wasn't exactly suggestin' that the kids go out and shoot every human they see, and I never would have done. Just the opposite, actually.

[xp_daytripper]

I want to stay here. Never said I didn't. Never said I was being made to stay hear neither, or that I hated the evil people who made me stay. An I'm doing what I can to help, for all its been noticed. But now I'm starting to wonder if there's any point, weather I'm gunna keep having people tell me I'm ungrateful for not wanting to be killed.

I've only bin here 3 weeks an I' still finding out where every thing is and who every one is. Questions about what kind of security goes on in this place ain't something that came first to mind - far as I knew, it was a school, an I have to say things are different in Brighton. Being a mutant ain't something to be afraid of - there's a whole bunch of kids who get tattoos an inserts an dye there hair all to look like mutants cause they think its cool. I was used to people trying to roll me for a fag or a blanket or because they were on sum thing an the voices told em to, but all that military shite didn't even occur to me. I've never had a gun iin me face before - not even the pigs carry em back home, an there a bit bloody expensive to get if you ain't gang. So I didn't think to ask if that was a problem. An' I have enough trouble reading me homework - slogging back through pages an pages of journal stuff is a bit more than me grey matter than handle. Hell, I only understand half of what some of you lot say in these things.

If going back there's what people want me to do, then get Pete to shove me on the next bloody plane. I'd take meself, only its a fucking long walk.

Re:

[x-blink.livejournal.com]

hey, you have to stay! well, no, you don't, but I think you're pretty cool and fun!

just my thumbs up at you ;)