How do I say this?
Feb. 18th, 2004 05:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xp_daytripper posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
xp_journalIf I had my way I'd be back in my bolt-hole an not putting me head into whats certain to be no end of a lions den. But I fucked up an I'm told that its best to face up to my fuck-ups an not hide from 'em.
Character building, or some such guff.
Too clear up what happened on Monday:
I made a love potion.
I gave it to Doug.
In between me giving the potion to Doug on Sunday, and Monday, somehow it got used an some people were affected. I don't know how - last I saw it was when I gave it to Doug.
I was one of the people affected. I know a couple of the others who were to, but not everyone; I've gotten a rough idea from the journals.
Doug realised what happened an got Manny too calm me down enough to cast the counterspell.
The potion is nulled. There's no way in hell it can affect anyone again, no matter where it is now - the counterspell was powerful enough to cover half the district. To tell the truth I pushed it a bit more than it needed. There's no need to worry about eating or drinking or using the bog or anything else in this place.
Those of you who were wondering what my punishment is, you'll be glad to here that I'm being sent back home next month for magical boot camp. There's no guarantee I'll come back - that depends on how I do.
Every single magical item, spellbook and ingredient I own is now in a box locked in the filing cabinet in Pete's office, or will be by the time you read this. I have some spells in me head, but as sticking a knitting needle in me ear is a bit drastic, or so Pete tells me, you'll have to trust me to not use those. If it helps, they're small things, like my werelight an the fire spell. I'd give me word not to use them, but I'm guessing that's worth exactly nothing around here rite now. That's not part of me punishment, that's me own doing. I can't never use magic again - it's me power, and it would be like any of you not using yours, ever - but I figure I shouldn't use it until I can do that properly.
***
I'd say I'm sorry, but they're just words, ain't they? I can say them again an again until they loose there meaning an it won't mean nothing. I feel sorry, more than I ever have, but again, that's probably not worth much to the people I hurt. But if it is worth something, then I'm sorry. An if there's anything I can do to fix things, then tell me. Abuse me, yell at me, fuck, hit me if it makes you feel better - anything at all I can do that will fix things, I'll do.
Some things can't be fixed - I'm hoping this ain't one of them.
***
Edit: I forgot to say, the effects of the potion were temporary. Wouldn't have last more than another hour. Permanently changing someone's feelings ain't possibly for me.
Of course, that doesn't cover anything done during the effect, but I didn't think of that at the time. Didn't think of anything much, to tell the truth. Its a piss weak excuse, but its the only one I have - I didn't think.
Character building, or some such guff.
Too clear up what happened on Monday:
I made a love potion.
I gave it to Doug.
In between me giving the potion to Doug on Sunday, and Monday, somehow it got used an some people were affected. I don't know how - last I saw it was when I gave it to Doug.
I was one of the people affected. I know a couple of the others who were to, but not everyone; I've gotten a rough idea from the journals.
Doug realised what happened an got Manny too calm me down enough to cast the counterspell.
The potion is nulled. There's no way in hell it can affect anyone again, no matter where it is now - the counterspell was powerful enough to cover half the district. To tell the truth I pushed it a bit more than it needed. There's no need to worry about eating or drinking or using the bog or anything else in this place.
Those of you who were wondering what my punishment is, you'll be glad to here that I'm being sent back home next month for magical boot camp. There's no guarantee I'll come back - that depends on how I do.
Every single magical item, spellbook and ingredient I own is now in a box locked in the filing cabinet in Pete's office, or will be by the time you read this. I have some spells in me head, but as sticking a knitting needle in me ear is a bit drastic, or so Pete tells me, you'll have to trust me to not use those. If it helps, they're small things, like my werelight an the fire spell. I'd give me word not to use them, but I'm guessing that's worth exactly nothing around here rite now. That's not part of me punishment, that's me own doing. I can't never use magic again - it's me power, and it would be like any of you not using yours, ever - but I figure I shouldn't use it until I can do that properly.
***
I'd say I'm sorry, but they're just words, ain't they? I can say them again an again until they loose there meaning an it won't mean nothing. I feel sorry, more than I ever have, but again, that's probably not worth much to the people I hurt. But if it is worth something, then I'm sorry. An if there's anything I can do to fix things, then tell me. Abuse me, yell at me, fuck, hit me if it makes you feel better - anything at all I can do that will fix things, I'll do.
Some things can't be fixed - I'm hoping this ain't one of them.
***
Edit: I forgot to say, the effects of the potion were temporary. Wouldn't have last more than another hour. Permanently changing someone's feelings ain't possibly for me.
Of course, that doesn't cover anything done during the effect, but I didn't think of that at the time. Didn't think of anything much, to tell the truth. Its a piss weak excuse, but its the only one I have - I didn't think.
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-18 02:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-18 05:55 pm (UTC)I think by time I went out yesterday I was more angry with the people acting as if 'twas the people upset with you in the wrong than I was with you. Maybe because I still think you were wrong (but whoever actually used it really still has me worried, since 'twasn't you...) but I also know clinging to rage is too.
So it means something to me if you feel sorry, and more if you're serious about not doing something like it again. Losing my temper at you wouldn't make me feel better; losing it over you yesterday's just left me tired.
I've got something I might want to ask you, though, so I thought I'd best let you know that if you see me I'm not coming to fight, after what you said about hitting. I still don't like any of this even a little bit, but whatever any of the people scolding think about me, I know that wouldn't help.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-19 01:02 am (UTC)I wouldn't run, either way. But if you want to talk, that's fine - I think you can probably sniff me out when you're up for it.